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A few days ago, my bride wrote My Cottage Garden, in which she talks about her gradually growing cottage garden. She makes a great point about some poor reasons why many of us don’t invest as much in our marriage as we should, and I urge you to go read her for those things. That said, I’d like to make a different point.
I happen to like Lori’s cottage garden – I like the concept, and I like how it’s looking. However, even if I didn’t care, I’d be supportive because this is something she wants to do. This is fun for her, and good for her, and that is all it takes for me to be all for it and as supportive as possible.
There is, however, a danger – getting too involved. This is her thing, and she’s having a blast with it. She cares what I think, and enjoys discussing how it is going and what she wants to do next, but this is not a project she wants to do jointly. Lori wants it to be a reflection of who she is, and if I get too involved, I will spoil it for her. So I am encouraging and available to help, but nothing more. I ran the tiller and helped get the grass out. I lug bags of compost and mulch, and I sprinkle red pepper to help keep the cats away, but I do not tell her where I think things should go. I occasionally mention a plant I like – if it shows up that’s fine, if it doesn’t show up, that’s fine too.
My point is sometimes being supportive means being on the fringe. It means being available to help, but not getting offended if you’re not included.
[This post first appeared July 8, 2012.]
Image Credit: © Lori Byerly
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