As I sit down to write this, I want you to know that I don’t hate you. There are days that I wish I did, that I wish I could. But I’m just not that type of person.
I pity you, greatly.
God knew you weren’t worthy of this blessing that I carry inside me.
We were disposable to you. We had no value in your eyes and that’s okay, because for the first time ever, I finally realise that I do have value and you can’t take that away from me.
There are days when I hold onto anger and hurt so strongly in my heart for you. I feel robbed of the family I wanted for my child, a family with a dad who actually wants to be there. The perfect family unit that I never had.
But then I remember that I get my baby first. He will call out “mama” before he ever utters “baba”. I’ll get his first smile, I’ll be there for him when he starts teething. I’m the only one who will be able to comfort him when he’s scared or hurt.
I promise you, I’ll learn to stop needing you.
I want to thank you, for throwing me into the deep end and making me strong enough to be a father, a mother, and everything else he’ll need in between. Thank you for showing me how much strength and courage I actually have in me.
The struggle of having to sculpt a little human while I remain unfinished will be the hardest adventure. But that’s just what it will be – an adventure.
This article was originally published on the author’s website Safura’s Corner, found here.