Influence of a Wife and Mother

Because of the celebration of Mother’s Day (here in the U.S.) we’re concentrating on the influence a wife and mother can bring into her home. (Next month Steve will address Father’s Day. So, hang on if you think this Insight is one-sided. We acknowledge that it is… for now.)

Most of us will acknowledge that a wife and mother can bring either a softening or a hardening touch to almost every situation, concerning the home. As author Melanie Chitwood says,

“Women are the heart of the home, and our attitudes set the emotional temperature in our families. A wife’s positive attitude can permeate our home like the sweet aroma of freshly picked flowers. Or negative attitude can pollute her home like stinky garbage.”

Concerning the Influence of a Wife, the Bible says:

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.“ (Proverbs 31:10-12) However, “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.“ (Proverbs 27:15-16)

“Better to live in a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.“ (Proverbs 25:24) “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.“ (Proverbs 21:19) “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.“ (Proverbs 14:1)

Do you see the influence a woman can bring into her home? We’d have to be blind not to acknowledge it. It’s been said (and we agree):

“Wives have the power to frame husbands as either failures or as heroes. We are the mirror that reflects either their strengths or their weaknesses. Every choice, every word, every response has the potential to build or to tear down. The question we must ask ourselves is this, ‘How am I using my power?’” (Juli Slattery)

We hope that isn’t an “OUCH” for you. If it is, may the Lord help you to use your power wisely!

For the rest of this Insight, here are some quotes that we encourage you to pray about, read, glean through, and use what you can, as God points it out to you!

More on the Influence of a Wife (and Mother)

As far as a wife’s influence within the home, it’s important to note:

• “Your greatest temptation to sin is when someone first sins against you. But their sin never justifies your sin.’ This is as true for spouses… Fighting your husband’s irresponsibility with irresponsibility of your own is like pouring gasoline on a fire. It just makes things that much more explosive, that much worse. The Bible recommends a more subversive approach: ‘let love conquer evil. Let responsibility shame irresponsibility.‘”

…”It’s a spiritual fact that kindness kills wickedness far more effectively than nagging, complaining, or disrespect. Remember, God won us with grace when we were his rebellious enemies. He doesn’t ask anything of you that he hasn’t already done himself. God says that we are responsible to love, even in the face of another’s irresponsibility.” (Gary Thomas, “Sacred Influence”)

• “Have you ever heard it said that some people brighten a room just by their presence, while others brighten the room by leaving? We want to be room lighters, not gloomy grumblers. Jesus told his followers, ‘Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.‘ (Matthew 5:16) He wasn’t saying we should be ‘Sally Smiles’ or ‘Frieda Fake’ or ‘Polly Perfect.’ He was saying that God has placed his gospel of truth, joy, and hope in our hearts. And we shouldn’t hide it. We should let it radiate from our lives. And as we shine with the Lord’s love, others will be drawn to him.” (Karol Ladd, “The Power of a Positive Wife”)

Additionally, Prayerfully Consider:

There’s no doubt that a wife can get frustrated by the actions of her husband. (And yes, the reverse can be true, as well.) But it’s also important to note:

• “Only one perfect man ever walked this earth, and he never married. Since every wife is married to an imperfect man, every wife will have legitimate disappointments in her marriage. Are you going to define your husband by these disappointments, or will you pray that God will open your eyes to the common blessings that your husband provides and to which you often become blinded?” (Gary Thomas, “Sacred Influence”)

• “Many women I meet at our seminars ask me how they can change their husbands. I gently remind them that the Holy Spirit —not the wife —is the change agent. Speaking to this same situation, Ruth Graham wisely says, ‘Tell your mate the positive, and tell God the negative.’ Talk to God about your marriage. Ask your heavenly Father to work change through His Spirit —and know that He may change you as well as your spouse!” (Bob Barnes, “Your Husband Your Friend”)

Also:

• “Make a point of listening carefully to yourself during an hour spent with your husband. Then try to put yourself in his shoes and evaluate the way you behaved and the words you spoke. Try to assess whether you helped draw him closer to yourself as his wife, and to God’s kingdom, or whether you pushed him further away.” … “Reflect honestly about your life, and think about any of your actions or attitudes that probably make it harder for other people to believe in Jesus. Repent when you are ready, and ask God to help you change.” (Michael & Diane Fanstone, “Praying for Your Unbelieving Husband”)

On the Issue of One’s Influence:

It’s important to pray for your husband but also it’s important to pray for yourself and how you interact with your him and your children. But:

• “Let me make it perfectly clear that the power of a praying wife is not a means of gaining control over your husband. So don’t get your hopes up! In fact, it is quite the opposite. It’s laying down all claim to power in and of yourself, and relying on God’s power to transform you, your husband, your circumstances, and your marriage.

This power is not given to wield like a weapon in order to beat back an unruly beast. It’s a gentle tool of restoration appropriated through the prayers of a wife who longs to do right more than be right, and to give life more than get even. It’s a way to invite God’s power into your husband’s life for his greatest blessing, which is ultimately yours, too.” (Stormie Omartian, “The Power of a Praying Wife”)

Here’s Something to Prayerfully Consider:

• “Many difficult things that happen in a marriage relationship are actually part of the enemy’s plan set up for its demise. But we can say, ‘I will not allow anything to destroy my marriage.’ ‘I will not stand by and watch my husband be wearied, beaten down, or destroyed.’ ‘I will not sit idle while an invisible wall goes up between us.’ ‘And I will not allow confusion, miscommunication, wrong attitudes, and bad choices erode what we are trying to build together.’ ‘I will not tolerate hurt and unforgiveness leading us to divorce.’”

“We can take a stand against any negative influences in our marriage relationship and know that God has given us authority in his name to back it up. You have the means to establish a hedge of protection around your marriage. Jesus said, ‘Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.‘ (Matthew 18:18)

“You have authority in the name of Jesus to stop evil and permit good. And you can submit to God in prayer whatever controls your husband. This includes alcoholism, workaholism, laziness, depression, infirmity, abusiveness, anxiety, fear, or failure —and pray for him to be released from it.” (Stormie Omartian, “The Power of a Praying Wife”)

The Prayer of Our Hearts

As a wife, we encourage you to pray:

Lord, help me to be a woman of God who, with Your guidance and strength and empowerment, pokes holes in the darkness that the enemy of our faith tries to push into my marriage and into our home. Help me to remember that my husband is not perfect, but neither am I. And for that reason, in partnership with you, it is my privilege to pray for BOTH of us. Lord, help us.

And may we never forget what God tells us to do:

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus“(Philippians 4:4-7).

May God bless, as you minister in your homes “as unto the Lord.”

Cindy and Steve Wright

Lastly:

Is your spouse an unbeliever? Here is an article that may help you in the influence you have within your marriage. We recommend you read it:

• YOUR INFLUENTIAL PLACE WITH AN UNBELIEVING SPOUSE

— ADDITIONALLY —

To help you further, we give a lot of personal stories, humor, and more practical tips in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to Grow Your Marriage. We hope you will pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both electronically and in print form.) Plus, it can make a great gift for someone else. It gives you the opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or the picture below:

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