Romance of Remembering | Biola University Center for Marriage & Relationships

Does your marriage feel like it’s at a standstill? If you’re feeling like the romance is fading away, remind yourself of how you fell in love in the first place. Read Arlene Pellicane’s blog about the romance of remembering the past!

How can we keep romance alive and well in our marriages?

My husband James and I tied the knot over 20 years ago.  It was supposed to rain on my wedding day, but thankfully it didn’t on that January day in Virginia.

Rain, hard times, boredom, distractions can come into any marriage – leaving romance a thing of the past.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.

You can stoke romance in your marriage by remembering.

Remember what it was like to meet your beloved.  Remember how your stomach did a flip when he picked you up for a date or showed up unexpectedly.

Dating in 1998

Remember how you used to treat each other.  You smiled in each other’s presence.  You made eye contact (not phone contact).  You held hands and you weren’t in a hurry.  You kissed and savored sweet embraces.

It was over dessert at Outback that James asked if we could start dating. He had a yellow rose and a red rose hidden in his jacket!

All of these behaviors can be continued for years and years and years in a marriage.  I talked about the power of the daily 5-30 second passionate kiss last week to keep romance alive (the power of the daily kiss is one of the key findings of my book 31 Days to a Happy Husband).

Kiss daily and watch romance grow between you.  Roommates and business partners don’t kiss daily…lovers do.  That’s what you are with your husband.  Tell your hubby you want to kiss more often to show affection and that not every smooch is a signal to run into the bedroom.  That will clear up some confusion!

Joyce Penner, author and sex therapist, says this about kissing in my book 31 Days to a Happy Husband:

If there was one key to leave you with, it would be kiss passionately.  When he knows I’m going to kiss passionately every day, but it has nothing to do with whether I want sex tonight – it has to do with ‘I love you’ and it feels so good – it’s going to keep my pilot light on so I can get more turned-on on a regular basis.  We love kissing.

Another important romance primer is date night.  Date nights are less expensive than marriage counseling!  When you have time to regularly connect with your spouse to have fun, you prevent the arctic chill from settling in between you.

So ask yourself, when was your last date night?  How often do you date?  Once a week?  Once a month?  Once a year?  A regular date night helps to connect you romantically to each other.  For that sliver of time, don’t talk about bills, kids, or schedules.  Put your phones away.  Eyes on each other only.

The weekend is a few days away.  What romantic activity will you plan for hubby and you?


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